


Shock Collar

by Sinderlin



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Amporabuse, Electricity, shock collar, torturing eridan is funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-28
Updated: 2013-01-30
Packaged: 2017-11-27 07:53:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/659590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinderlin/pseuds/Sinderlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eridan thinks cleaning up his language might get Feferi talking to him. Vriska enlists Equius' help, which ends up with Eridan wearing a very touchy little shock collar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Her waterfall of ebony hair flicks up and over her shoulder with a snappy toss of her hand and her lips peel back in a sneer. Her lips are glossy blue and thin, but her knifepoint fangs are more striking than any amount of makeup could ever be on her. 

"You're still falling all over her, huh?" She giggles venomously, noise crinkling like someone offered her a rotten rat, "Why don't you just get over that bubbly airhead and move on with your life? Oh, right, because you have no life to get back to." She cackles at you and examines her nails. "Maybe her pure heart can't take your coarse sailor talk?" She whips out a file and evens out the edges of her nails. 

"Ya think that could be it?" You don't feel so sure that's what it is, but maybe it's part of it. She's an angel, after all, so she might not be happy that you cuss every time you open your mouth. "That's fuckin' dumb, Vris. She hangs with crass assholes all the time." You frown when she cackles at you again, poking you in the chest with the end of her nail file. You wipe the white dust off your shirtfront left by the nailfile with a disgruntled "fuck you".

"You see? That's what I mean! Every other word is dirt filler!" She purses her lip and taps her foot, thinking. "Yep, that's totally it. You swear like a sailor, so she doesn't want to hang out with you. But let's face it...Who WOULD?" She flashes her teeth at you and tosses her hair again. She's a bitch, but she might be right. Her eyes fixes on you coldly, waiting for you to whine and complain, daring you to prove you aren't worth her time.

"Then...What the fuck do I do about it?" You bite your tongue a split second late and slam your palm into your forehead. She rolls her eye and props her arms akimbo.

"Since you /clearly/ can't just stop swearing, and hell if I'm just going to follow you around and smack you in the back of the head every time to you-as funny as that might be, I think we need a technological deterrent," she winks and jerks her thumb toward Equius, who is tinkering with his collection of leftover computer parts in what you assumed was an attempt to put together a robot. You quirk an eyebrow curiously. "I'll go ask for you. No need to thank me~!" She twists on her heel and walks across the room with a heavy sway to her hips.

\--

"Equius, I have a favor to ask," She sang, perching on a chair so that she was watching him work over his shoulder. He turned his head with a distinct "oh no" expression. Her fingers tapped out a noteless tune on the table beside the keyboard and she lowered her eyebrows. "Our mutual 'friend' Eridan is in dire need of some help. No worries, I'm not asking you to kiss the little fucker, but you yourself have remarked on his foul language before, right?" She crossed her legs daintily, grinning cruelly.

"Yes...It's unbefitting of one of his status," He agreed, pulling a dark cloth out of his pocket and wiping his slightly greased hands off with it. He looked hesitantly curious. His jaw clenched and unclenched, mouth moving silently as he tried to figure out how to question what she was getting at. "What do you expect me to do about it?" he finally asked, stuffing the cloth back into his pocket.

"It's pretty much impossible for him to just stop on his own, so /we/ thought you could come up with a little helper solution," She chattered, gesturing to the pile of electronics. "You're a tech wiz, so you could just make something to give him a push in the right direction." Her eye glinted, bright with plots and entertainment.

"...I am quite gifted in crafting electronic devices. If he has requested my assistance, I ought to give it a try," He conceded, gazing at the pile of components. He frowned to himself. "A push. Come back in about an hour." He bent back down, picking up this and that and stomping down the hall. Vriska snickered and hopped up, running back to tell Eridan the good news.

\--

A cold line presses in just under your adams apple and you hear a little click. You flail automatically and manage to bop Vriska in the nose. She squeals and scratches your neck, squirming away with a long hiss. You huff and claw at the weird thing around your neck and demand to know what she just did.

"Helped, idiot! You wanted me to, right? You come whiiiiiiiining to me about your problems and punch me when I help! See if I ever do anything nice for you again," She pouts, hand splayed across her face protectively. "Equius will tell you how it works. Tell him, Equius." She shoots a dark look over her shoulder at the uncomfortable tower of a blueblood, tapping her foot impatiently. He clears his throat and opens his mouth to start, but you dumbly shout out first.

"What in the shit--" The metal heats and you feel a bolt of pain in your throat, making you jump and claw at the ring of metal. "Holy cra--!!" You wheeze and ferociously scrabble at the air as a second stabbing pain slices into your windpipe. "FUCK!" You stumble and lash out at Equius, punching him in the gut(which hurts your hand a lot more than it hurts him), trying to pull the thing off even as it shocks you a third time. Vriska lets out a loud "UUUUUUUUGH!" and slaps her hand over your mouth, forcing herself into your head without warning. She snaps your mouth shut, nearly biting your tongue off with a loud whine.

"It's, erm, a deterrent device," Equius says with an uncomfortable shuffle, backing off. "I was told you wish to cease...harsh utterances such as those, so the ring you are currently wearing is triggered to activate if you use foul language. Upon activation, it emits an unpleasant electrical charge which should discourage use of bad language." He folds his hands behind his back, teeth grating quietly. You realize you'd be gaping if Vriska wasn't keeping your mouth shut. "If you do not wish to be shocked, simply do not use crude words." You are thinking very, very bad things, many of them involving taking Ahab's Crosshairs and shoving it where the sun don't shine.

"It's a shock collar," Vriska adds helpfully. You shoot her a look that screams "fuck you sideways with a rusty pike". Her eye gleams and she flashes her teeth maliciously. She giggles and runs a finger over the cool metal that lays against your skin. Equius nods and looks away. You can feel the others staring. Why, Vriska, why must you be such an incredible bitch? That asshat pissblood is snorting and elbowing a mildly concerned Feferi. Karkat has facepalmed so hard he has handprints on his face. Terezi is mercifully silent, likely too perturbed to comment and not amused enough to laugh for once. 

"Get it offa me," you hiss, grabbing a fistful of Equius' shirt. The lack of Vriska in your skull means she's bored again and about to leave. Fine by you, since she's been of approximately zero help. Gears are turning in the sweaty blueblood's head, and the audible gulp and sudden torrent of sweat soaking his shirt make you just as uncomfortable as he is.

"Sir, I, erm," He shakily starts, turning his head one millimeter this way, then one millimeter that way. "I apologize, but I believe this would benefit you greatly." He swallowed hard and unsteadily smiled, slouching slightly. You would punch him in the face, but that might hurt even more. You scowl and get as close to his face as you comfortable can and sneer nastily.

"If you don't, so help me god, I will shove my foot SO FAR up you nook--" You miss the weird half-elated expression crossing his face when another electric pop forces your throat closed, making your eyes pop wide open and your mouth snap shut in a pained cringe. He reaches out and gingerly pats your shoulder, backing away a few more paces while you work the tension back out of your jaw. "It sets off at mentions of orifices?"

"Inappropriate ones, yes," He tells you.

"How dare you take away my ability to threaten inappropriate bodily harm," you spit, glaring at him with fresh-stoked anger. He just shrugs and frowns. Karkat is calling down every almighty god and demon in the cosmos to make the idiocy that is his life come to an end with great sweeping motions of his hands. Sollux is leaning on a chair and wheezing between high giggles. Terezi is busy ignoring Vriska. Tavros' cringe is actually audible at this point, creaking more the longer he has to be in the room with this horrible failure of a group. Equius glances at Nepeta and brings his hands feather-light down on your shoulders, holding you still.

"Please refrain from saying things that might trigger the device. I really do wish to help you," he reassures you, brows knit. You want to headbutt him then stab him in the neck for good measure. If this was happening to anyone else it would be funny, but this way it just hurts like a bitch. You nod bitterly, and he cracks a smile. You sit back down in the chair in front of your computer and glare at him as he walks back to his pile of robot bits and his happy little moirail. You hope he dies in a fire or something equally awful.

\--

You're sulking at your computer and wondering if you could alchemize fillets when a particularly unwelcome asshole decides it's a perfect time to bother Eridan Ampora. He strides right up like he owns the place, all skin and bones and electricity. You hate electricity. He's already giggling to himself like a three sweep old by the time he gets to you. You try to ignore him, you really do, because you do NOT enjoy being shocked half to hell and god knows that's exactly his plan.

"Enjoying your new accessory?" he snidely asks, dumb teeth mauling 'accessory' into an abomination on all ears. You shoot him a very clear get the fuck out glare, but he persists. "You know, most people would keep their s&m fetishes out of public view, but not you. The 'be yourself' motto should not apply to nookstain fishfaces."

"Fuck you," you spit out before you can stop yourself. You wince down in your seat, clawing at the collar as it lets a nasty spark loose on your exposed skin. He grins and snorts, folding his skinny arms across his chest and waiting for you to regain your composure. You scowl at him and squint. "That was cheap."

"Don't do it if you don't like it, dumbass," he laughs, squinting in turn. The air feels just a touch more charged when he's around, and it makes the shock from the device held fast against you neck draw out long, making it hard to open your mouth. He leans in just far enough for the hair on the back of your neck to lift and tingle. "I'm going to have fun with this." You manage to avoid slipping up this time and just snarl at him, which he responds to with a double-bird flipping and another snort. He strides off confidently, plopping down in the horn pile with minimal honks beside-who else?-Feferi. At least she looked like she was chiding him for purposely pushing you. You really hope she appreciates this...

She flicks him in the back of the head and puffs out her cheeks, magenta tint coming through high on her face. Sollux is sprawled next to her, mumbling something and waving his hands around. You can make your own name out once or twice if you listen closely. He's probably making excuses about his behavior to her, which she'll probably accept and then go right back to cuddling and macking on him all over the place. You just want to strangle the guy and be over with it.

\-- caligulasAquarium [cA] began trolling centaursTesticle [cT] --

cA: seriously get this thing offa me  
cT: D --> I do not think so  
cA: wwhy in the hel  
cT: D --> Please stop doing this to yourself sir  
cA: if you wwould just get this damn  
cT: D --> Why are you hitting the enter key  
cA: i wwant you to knoww just wwhat youre puttin me through  
cT: D --> How odd  
cT: D --> Nonetheless  
cT: D --> E%use me for saying so but I still believe this is for your benefit  
cA: wwell it isnt  
cA: it isnt and youre terrible  
cT: D --> Im sorry you think so sir  
cA: burn in hell  
cA: GOD DARN I  
cA: IT SETS OFF AT DARN  
cT: D --> Of course  
cA: im goin to find you and rip your intestines out through your a  
cT: D --> Oh dear  
cT: D --> Are you alright  
cA: no i am not  
cA: i nevver asked for this  
cT: D --> You specifically asked for my assistance  
cA: i didnt ask you to SHOCK ME TO DEATH  
cT: D --> That is e%treme e%aggeration  
cA: it doesnt feel like it is  
cA: if it sets off at darn  
cT: D --> Sir stop  
cA: WWHAT ELSE DOES IT SET OFF AT  
cT: D --> Take a deep breath  
cA: just tell me so i knoww howw many times i should shoot you  
cT: D --> I do not feel comfortable listing them off  
cT: D --> I feel one should know which words are inappropriate to say  
cT: D --> Especially one as high and learned as yourself  
cA: it triggers at completely appropriate wwords  
cA: take it off its defectivve  
cT: D --> My craftmanship is impeccable  
cA: do me a favvor equ  
cT: D --> What is it  
cA: punch yourself in the face  
cT: D --> Why in the world w001d I do that  
cA: because your face hurts my fist  
cT: D --> I am done with this  
cT: D --> E%use me

\-- centaursTesticle [cT] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [cA] --

You chance a mutter of "What the heck" and are only a little surprised when the collar shocks you. You dig your nails under the metal and try to worm your fingers between it and your neck and only succeed in choking yourself a little. Snapping your hand away, you cough and glower at the screen. You are definitely going to smack him upside the head with a table the next time you get the chance. At least the dumb collar can't read your mind, and you can curse all you want in your head.

Your hands come up to your face, rubbing your eyes while you try to think of some way out of this hole you've dug yourself. The pinch of the metal ring is beginning to feel familiar, and the cold surface against your skin isn't such a shock. Ha. You need to find a way out, and fast. It would be awkward explaining to Feferi, and you're pretty sure she platonically hates you now anyways, but her status as previous empress to be might help Equius get his head out of his ass and take his shitty contraption off your DAMNED neck. You want to smack your head into your desk repeatedly, except you'd rather smack Equius' head into a desk repeatedly, along with Vriska's, and Sollux's, and possibly that guy who invented portable electricity.

"Why," you groan, hoping some feathery asshole would swoop down from the heavens and explain what exactly you did to deserve a barkbeast shock collar snapped tight on your delicate skin. Maybe murdering tons of lusii and FLARPers was a little harsh, but it was normal for highbloods. It seemed like the dumb thing was targeting your vocal chords when it let loose little bolts, too. Maybe you could swipe Vri's nailfile and saw through it. That sounded potentially terrible, but also potentially a perfect amazing idea that could not possibly go wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

Conversation isn't as appealing an idea as it once seemed. You spend your day-night mishmashes in front of your computer in the lab, now, staring at the screen with your chin resting in your hand. It isn't as though people come seeking out a lovely little chat with you anyways. You are now number one on the lab scoreboard for solitaire, tetris, and bejeweled. You quickly learned that a slow flip of the finger was the way to go when Sollux thought it would be funny to try setting off your collar, so he mostly ignores you once again. You're quickly fading into the background without your loud mouth and dirty language.

Sighing, you win another level 23 round of tetris and close the window. You are the leaderboard. The entire leaderboard. You want to strangle something. You twist in your seat to look for Equius. He's sitting with an uncomfortable look next to an extremely happy looking Nepeta, letting her show him paper after paper of doodles of something or other. He tries to write something on one of the papers, but he snaps the little crayon in half and accidentally crushes it up when he tries to catch the falling halves. Nepeta bats at his hands and skitters off to the main transportalizer pad, presumably to grab another writing utensil. You take the opportunity to jolt up and stroll right up to him.

"Equ, we need to talk," you inform him with a grave downturn of the lips. He beads up and nods, gesturing to the chair next to him. You like being able to look down on him rather than having to crane your neck up, so you decline. Your nail taps lightly on the collar. "I suggest you take this off me now." He lifts his shoulders defensively and tries to shake his head. Inwardly, you have to cringe. This is your life going up in smoke, you think. "Please," you add, noting the shocked lift of his eyebrows.

"I think you are doing quite well," he says concisely, thinking, "but I believe you could do even better. Please put up with it for a while longer, sir." He nods to himself as if someone just said something very reasonable to him. You want to take the chair next to him, hit him in the head with it, and make him eat the damn thing. Apparently he can see you're having some undeniably malicious thoughts, because he speaks up again. "Perhaps I ought to make some adjustments..."

"Unless you plan on getting rid of everything but the worst words in the history of the world, I don't think so," you snap. You amend that statement. "I mean by my standards, not yours." He folds his hands in his lap and twiddles his thumbs in a way you could accept as a nervous tick. You hear a quiet harrumph behind you and sigh.

"Are you bullying my meowrail?" Nepeta asks you, passing close to your back while she picks up some papers and takes her seat to Equius' right. You sigh and rub your temples. "Don't be mean, he just wants to help!" Her hands work a sharpener around a pencil she found until it's no longer a dull log, and she hands it to Equius. He puts its tip to a paper she puts on his desk with a shaky, blocky hand. He snaps the tip of the pencil and cringes, handing it back, and she re-sharpens it for him.

"If anything, he's being mean to /me/," you huff out, gritting your teeth. Equius tries to scribble down a note for her and snaps the lead again, sweating on the paper when he puts the pencil down. He looks at her with frustration all over his face, and she takes the pencil and shaves it sharp. She giggles and puts it between his thumb and forefinger and touches just the very point of the pencil to the paper. He scrapes the pencil across the paper with extreme concentration, lines forming between his eyebrows. "Hey, are you listening?" They clearly aren't.

You slap the pencil out of his hand with a scowl, and they both stare at you. It's suddenly a lot harder to think of words. Nepeta pouts and Equius seems to be...a little bit delighted and also annoyed. You swipe the paper off the desk and let it flutter anticlimactically to the ground. Nepeta gasps and hisses at you, slashing at your arm with her bare claws. They're long and sharp enough that they scrape skin off you even through your shirt, and you wheeze a little. She picks it off the floor and sets the paper back in front of Equius primly with a wary glance at you. You frown and punch her in the arm. She lets out a startled little yowl and jumps out of her chair. A fist slams into the side of your head and sends you flying across the room.

You're sitting on top of a computer and a bowed desk, trying to focus on a worried little glub next to your ear. Fluffy hair tickles your nose and you sneeze. Feferi's blurry face is hovering over you and Karkat is calling you a spectacular fucking idiot. He snaps his fingers in front of your face and you think you raise an eyebrow at him. Things are shifting in and out of warped focus, and you could swear there are bugs on your eyes or SOMETHING, because there are black spots all over the place and  
you feel weird and in pain.

"I'm going to have a concussion," you state mildly, crossing your legs while still sitting in the wrecked pile of computer. Feferi glubs something at you and motions at Karkat. The collar fizzes a little and crackles unhappily. You make little hush-hush noises and close your eyes. You're aware Karkat is throwing an absolute fit and that Equius is pretty much melting in the corner. You can hear his jaws whining from the stress he's putting on them right now. Your neck feels warm and wet, which registers as odd, and your hand slips up behind your head instinctively. "Goodness, you've cracked my skull!" Jaw wide open, Karkat gapes at you and painfully slowly turns to Equius.

"What the fuck am I witnessing?" He murmurs, and you can only hear him out of one ear,"That is not Eridan Douchebag Ampora. It was kind of okay for a while, okay, I admit it, but you electrocuted the part of his brain that made him an asshole and now he's just a creepy nice quiet guy. Like you, actually." Karkat's volume is going up and up and up, and Equius is creating the Zahhak sea in his corner. You tap the side of your head with a bored expression, watching the room wobble. Somehow your ability to give a flying fuck has just gotten up and left the building somewhere over the last few day-night-whatevers. Equius just sort of annoys you. You giggle a little and yelp when the collar zaps you without cause. Feferi is patting your arm, you realize vaguely and Karkat is using a chair to herd Equius off somewhere.

You watch for a little longer and drift from tiny zap to zap before you fall asleep. Even in your dreams, you feel strange and wobbly, but at least it doesn't hurt.

\--

You wake up with a humid heat lurking somewhere behind you and some rather annoyed arguing in front of you. You're still pretty out of it, so you just sit and listen.

"We have to get the fucking thing off him, you douchenozzle," The first voice snarls, full of nails and lava and general spite for all things. It's Karkat.

"We don't have to. For one, it's funny. For two, he's much more tolerable," The second voice retorts, laced with cold malice and a speech impediment. Ah, figures it would be Sollux.

"It's malfunctioning, and now he's turning into the creepy assclown Zahhak number two," Karkat hissed, voice storming along like a hurricane. Listen to reason, oh double dick of the ice age of reason.

"The fucker keeps his stupid mouth shut. That's enough of a plus for me," Sollux says with what you just know is a shrug and a smirk. You kind of want to punch him and make him try the collar out and see how /he/ likes it.

"He's come around," Equius warns them from behind you, teeth clacking together loudly as he snaps his mouth closed. The collar fizzles just enough to startle you fully conscious. Sollux and Karkat are only a few paces away from you, and Equius is maybe half a pace behind with his hands slightly raised as if he's expecting you to topple at any moment. You're aware that you probably look like shit at the moment, but the sneer on Sollux and the mildly off-put worry on Karkat just ruin any hope that you might be the cool kind of injured that draws sympathetic flocks.

"We tried to unclasp the thing, but it apparently jammed when you hit the wall," Karkat explains in a manner approaching gentle while Sollux smirks.You can't help but gape at the idea that the damn ring is stuck on you. It shocks you, as if insulted.

"They asked that I wrench it off, but I declined on the grounds that I might have injured you further," Equius chimes in with a decidedly rougher than intended pat on the shoulder. You reach up and claw at your neck in absent pain, frowning. Karkat slaps your hand away from your neck with a scowl.

"Like I was saying earlier," Karkat spits with a roll of his eyes, "I think I saw a toolkit in one of the lower lab levels. It sucks, but I need these two nooksniffers to help me find the damn thing again." You notice pretty much everyone else is gone, leaving you and the three stooges. You nod and stare at the ever-uppity Sollux.

"I still don't see why I have to help," Sollux grumbles, even though he's already heading for the transportalizer pads without having to be shouted at. Karkat gives you another uncomfortable look and shoots a sharp glare over you at Equius. They all head out of the room with their loud footsteps echoing after them, leaving you alone in the empty lab. You slide sluggishly off the table and wobble on your weakened legs, huffing with the sudden woozy agony in your head.

The table they pulled out to the middle of the room supports you well enough to stop your shaky legs from giving out, allowing you to regain your balance and pull together enough strength to walk to the computer desks lining the walls. Edging toward your computer, planning on killing time with a little tetris or something, you spot a metallic glint on a nearby desk. It's by Vriska's computer, so it's probably hers. When you reach it, you realize it's her nail file. Fuck yes! The collar sparks and sizzles against your skin as if punishing you for swearing inside your head. It has to go.

The nail file is quickly trapped tight inside your white-knuckled hand while your free hand scrapes the collar as far from your skin as you can manage(and with only minimal scrapes and cuts). It's really annoying to get just the right angle with the nail file so that you don't saw into your skin or stab yourself in the neck, but the crosshatched metal of the file bites hard into the smooth metal of the collar without a problem. Tiny metal shavings are falling down your shirt and you keep on almost losing your grip on the collar, but with determination unhindered by logic, you soldier on. The jumpy buzz of the grating numbs your neck and hand enough that the near constant shocks from the protesting metal ring aren't nearly as much of a deterrent as they were before. You can tell you're almost through the hard metal casing. You'll be at the wiring innards soon.

At long last, the file shreds through the last layer of protective metal and tears into the wire--an act you regret immensely less than a second later. The metal of the nail file wedges itself into the circuit of electrical wiring, and unfortunately, you have decided to become the grounding wire. The remaining battery charge of the collar travels through the wires, down the file, through your hand, your arm, and into your chest in under half a second. Your hair is spiked out in every direction and your eyes water. You think you bit your tongue or cheek because you taste blood, and your expanding and contracting bladder based vascular system hurts like a mother. All your muscles hurt, really, in the way only being thoroughly electrocuted can do.

Looking down, the skin of your hands is cracked and off color and your sleeve has a rip in it. There's also a nasty scratch on your arm;you think you clawed yourself when your muscles spazzed. You're reluctant to keep sawing at the collar, but it's mostly broken through and now out of a charge. But then...if it's uncharged, why bother ruining your hands any more on the damn thing? At least it can't shock you any more.

You pull out your chair and gingerly work the mouse over to the tetris icon and open up a new game. It's harder than expected and you really just want to climb into a recooperacoon and sleep for a good couple perigrees, but you didn't get lucky enough to land a recooperacoon in this dump. So. Tetris it is.

You're almost up to level 15 when they come back, nearly ripping each others' throats out over something that happened during their outing. You glance at them, bored, and go back to your game. You're aware that Equius let out a horrified wheeze the second he spotted you, but Karkat's less than subtle screaming is a little more distracting.

"YOU FUCKING RETARD, WHAT DID YOU DO?" He throws the toolkit at your head and misses, thank god, and you glower at him sourly.

"You were takin' too long," You mutter, sinking into your seat. The metal shavings still clinging to the inside of your shirt scratch against your skin uncomfortably.

"Holy fucking shit," Karkat whispers in awe, taking a seat a few spaces away. Sollux just throws his hands up in defeat and walks right back out without a word.


End file.
